No lover for me please!


It all started with an email asking me, “Buddy ever been in love?”

What is love? A mind-boggling question, with a mind-numbing answer?

Is it the butterflies or is it wasps? Do we swoon over the other with pure, absolute bliss or is there a pied-piper at play? Darn it! What is it?


After what seemed like an eternity of trying to find the answer to that question, I finally contented myself with the truth that love is highly overrated. It’s a four letter word that clings on to every cell in your brain (not heart, please remember that)

We then force ourselves to make it the oxygen, followed by continuous whining and crying interspersed with bouts of joy. Venus loves mars, mars loves Venus, but the inahbitants of Earth can’t stop crying. I mean, where is the sense in that?

I remember reading that emotions override rationality to a large extent, therefore, love that is said to be an affair involving the heart, takes little time to render your brain (now the whole of you) useless! Lo and behold, you are now a sulking vegetable.

Before I get booed as a naysayer, let me iterate that I speak for many when I talk of our inability to fathom love.

I can’t wait to relate this to my second favourite topic, marriage!

Now, I am asked, almost every day, by friends, friends of friends and complete strangers if I prefer love marriage over an arranged one. I usually take a moment to stop myself from retorting with “I will take my pick for sure, if you tell me which tastes better”.

Love has been enough of a pickle to me, talk about taking on another boggart!

I am no expert on love or marriage. Even though I am planning a career shift, I don’t see myself in a counsellor’s chair anytime in this life. So I shall wind up with something I have always believed, in spite of the chaotic thoughts.

Companionship. That’s the answer, without a doubt.

We all want someone who fits like a lost piece of puzzle. The one who won’t grumble at the thought of playing scrabble at 3 am, if that’s what you want. That one who will warrant all your attention to their jabber and you will give it without an ounce of argument. I do not know of love and things.

What I do know is that companionship is all about expectations. Yes, we want things. There is no denying that. Be real and own up your expectations.

Beneath the age-long layers of conditioning, I hope to see some sense, or as we say it these days, practicality.

To everyone who wishes to ask about my preference of marriage henceforth, I prefer a companion over a lover.

It’s a shift of thought, of belief in selfless love. Love is never selfless. Neither are we.

P.S. The email was from a website advertising a romantic song from an upcoming movie. These songs, I tell you! 😉